My mother's death recently has left me feeling like as though I have a hole in my heart. It is like someone has shot a bullet straight through my heart. unfortunately, this wound is so deep that I have no idea how long it will take for the ache to subside. People tell me that time will heal all wounds. I doubt that this wound will heal though. The pain will dull with time but it will be there; it will come on special occasions like my upcoming marriage next year.
Each family occasion now will just serve as a reminder that the person whom I loved the most in the world is no longer there. I know that she is no longer in pain, she is in a place now where no one will be able to hurt her with their words. She was a sponge- she took in everyone's troubles in the family as well as their criticisms. She herself never hurt anyone with her words or actions. A lamb, a deer, an angel on earth- that was what she was. None of us remembered that angels exist on earth only for a short while. We took her for granted; we never realized that we are so dependent on her to give us strength that if something happened to her, we would be floundering.
Finally, God had enough. He could not bear to see his angel suffering so much and he decided to bring her back to him. He gave us many indications- like giving her different medical illnesses, each one progressively worse- letting us know that this was a precious person whom we need to take care of. We ignored the signs or simply decided to be ostriches and bury our heads in the sand. We wanted to think she was immortal (angels are, but she was in human form). Therefore, she had to be taken away from us because we did not deserve her. We had to realize how essential she was in our lives.
There is no central force to balance my family now. We are trying to find our footing but the pain is making our feet heavy. We need our angel back or at least to show us the way to salvation. We were living uptil now but are barely existing now. We need to learn how to live again and to take responsibility for our actions and words. We need to ensure that our angel's legacy did not die with her.....
Each family occasion now will just serve as a reminder that the person whom I loved the most in the world is no longer there. I know that she is no longer in pain, she is in a place now where no one will be able to hurt her with their words. She was a sponge- she took in everyone's troubles in the family as well as their criticisms. She herself never hurt anyone with her words or actions. A lamb, a deer, an angel on earth- that was what she was. None of us remembered that angels exist on earth only for a short while. We took her for granted; we never realized that we are so dependent on her to give us strength that if something happened to her, we would be floundering.
Finally, God had enough. He could not bear to see his angel suffering so much and he decided to bring her back to him. He gave us many indications- like giving her different medical illnesses, each one progressively worse- letting us know that this was a precious person whom we need to take care of. We ignored the signs or simply decided to be ostriches and bury our heads in the sand. We wanted to think she was immortal (angels are, but she was in human form). Therefore, she had to be taken away from us because we did not deserve her. We had to realize how essential she was in our lives.
There is no central force to balance my family now. We are trying to find our footing but the pain is making our feet heavy. We need our angel back or at least to show us the way to salvation. We were living uptil now but are barely existing now. We need to learn how to live again and to take responsibility for our actions and words. We need to ensure that our angel's legacy did not die with her.....
